Pre-K Graduation Class of 2007

Braden kissing his baby sister Ella

Braden and his step-sister Madison

Braden and his paternal grandma (Nana Jo)

Isn't he CUTE?

Blake and Braden pre-graduation!!Braden walking onto the stage!
Class of 2007!!
Mommy and Braden

I'll be taking some more photos of Braden and Kayla together tomorrow, she was too tired tonight to even think of cooperating!

Words cannot express the warmth and sadness I feel as my little man graduates from pre-k. I'm in disbelief that he is actually starting kindergarten next year. Along with my sadness however, is an amazing sense of pride at how smart Braden is and what a wonderful, well-mannered, and caring boy he is!! I am SO lucky to be his mom! I am going to go lay down with him and snuggle him closely tonight!

Tagged

Yikes Andrea tagged me on May 15th and I just now saw it LOL.

I'm supposed to list ten things that make me warm and fuzzy!! Hmmm.....

1. Cuddles from my kids
2. The thought of Cliff coming home
3. Being a t-ball mom
4. Watching Kayla dance
5. Flowers
6. Chocolate
7. Alcohol
8. Photos of my children as babies.
9. The American Flag
10. Vacations

The 8 year mark

May 19th, 2007 marked EIGHT years since I graduated high school. I am of course in complete shock and denial that it's been that long. To add to my being emotional about this is the fact that they tore down my high school and built a new one behind it....how sad is that :( I have so many wonderful (and not so wonderful) memories in that place, it was my home for four years, I truly loved that place. To drive by it and see the wreckage there right now is awfully heartbreaking.

This has all gotten me thinking about life and how I founded so many dreams at that school and during that time. Which brings me to the point....isn't it funny how most of our lives don't work out the way we think they will?? I entered my first marriage almost exactly 7 months to the day after I graduated. I thought I was so ready for that and because of past experiences considered myself "grown up." 8 years later, I'm on my second marriage just passing the one year mark and at the age of 26 still not feeling completely grown up and still not knowing exactly who I am, attending college and learning and growing all the time while trying to help my children learn and grow and at the same time be a rock to my husband.

I used to be terrified of turning 30 (still 3 1/2 years away), now I'm looking forward to it and hoping that by the time I get there I'll know more about me and have discovered more of myself and have more of an idea of what God's plan is for me on this earth...you know besides raising babies and being a strong wife to my hero husband. Sometimes life seems so uncertain, but as funny as it sounds just writing this has made me realize how perfectly perfect my crazy life is!

A little break down

I go along from day to day most of the time not even feeling like myself or even wondering..."who am I?" I throw myself into everything I can so that I don't have to sit down and think and be reminded and feel.

But then there are nights like tonight when I sit here all alone listening to music...of course drawn to the songs that remind me of my husband and then all of a sudden weeks worth of emotions flood over me and the pain has such a hold on me that I'm unable to shut it off or to just walk away from it and I just have to break down. I miss him so much....so so so so much. It's laying in bed at night with his t-shirt wishing he were in it, wishing for just one more small kiss, laying in bed when everything is still and trying like hell to remember the exact color of his eyes and the way they sparkle in the light and the way they stare into mine reaching the very depths of my soul, the warmth of his hug, the touch of his skin, the sound of his voice and hoping that I can always remember everything about who he is just in case.....and then there are the selfish things like wishing to feel like a normal wife again...you know the married kind whose husbands are home to share the responsibilities of his family instead of the responsibilities of his country, praying and praying so hard that he makes it home, praying and praying so hard that he can withstand the emotions of the horrid things he's seen during our time apart, hoping that I am still the person he fell in love with when he comes home....I could go on forever but I'll spare anyone reading this LOL.

I do know my husband is brave, I am SO much more proud of him than he could ever know in a million years...sometimes it's just hard...this is my current think of Cliff song....
Come Home Soon by SheDaisy
I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed
I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same bright star
I wonder, I pray
[Chorus:]And I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon(Come home soon)
I know that we're togetherEven though we're far apart
And I'll wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart
I wonder, I pray[Chorus:]
And I sleep alone
I cry aloneAnd it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon(Come home soon)
[Bridge:]I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance
I wonder, I pray
[Second Chorus:]I sleep aloneI cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon
[Third Chorus:]I walk alone
I try aloneI'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon
Come home soon
Come home soon