A little break down

I go along from day to day most of the time not even feeling like myself or even wondering..."who am I?" I throw myself into everything I can so that I don't have to sit down and think and be reminded and feel.

But then there are nights like tonight when I sit here all alone listening to music...of course drawn to the songs that remind me of my husband and then all of a sudden weeks worth of emotions flood over me and the pain has such a hold on me that I'm unable to shut it off or to just walk away from it and I just have to break down. I miss him so much....so so so so much. It's laying in bed at night with his t-shirt wishing he were in it, wishing for just one more small kiss, laying in bed when everything is still and trying like hell to remember the exact color of his eyes and the way they sparkle in the light and the way they stare into mine reaching the very depths of my soul, the warmth of his hug, the touch of his skin, the sound of his voice and hoping that I can always remember everything about who he is just in case.....and then there are the selfish things like wishing to feel like a normal wife again...you know the married kind whose husbands are home to share the responsibilities of his family instead of the responsibilities of his country, praying and praying so hard that he makes it home, praying and praying so hard that he can withstand the emotions of the horrid things he's seen during our time apart, hoping that I am still the person he fell in love with when he comes home....I could go on forever but I'll spare anyone reading this LOL.

I do know my husband is brave, I am SO much more proud of him than he could ever know in a million years...sometimes it's just hard...this is my current think of Cliff song....
Come Home Soon by SheDaisy
I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed
I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same bright star
I wonder, I pray
[Chorus:]And I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon(Come home soon)
I know that we're togetherEven though we're far apart
And I'll wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart
I wonder, I pray[Chorus:]
And I sleep alone
I cry aloneAnd it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon(Come home soon)
[Bridge:]I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance
I wonder, I pray
[Second Chorus:]I sleep aloneI cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon
[Third Chorus:]I walk alone
I try aloneI'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon
Come home soon
Come home soon