Nada Really

Maybe I should change my blog name to randomness and time passing...???

I have a million thoughts a day, by the end I don't remember the majority and the rest really aren't worth writing about most of the time. At the request of a friend (Piper) I'll do it anyhow in my "free time" haha:)

I'm tired right now, tired of people, tired of school, tired of the heartache that comes with missing my husband. He got to call once last week; just my luck I left the phone off the hook all night so the battery died as soon as he said hello. I cried. I cried for two reasons; the first being that I didn't get to talk to him, the second was because of how the sound of his voice made me feel, how it plunged straight to my head and my heart pulling out so many emotions. Amazing what a voice can do. It hurt yet comforted me at the same time.

So back to the being tired of people. Ever feel like people just don't give a damn? I do. I can deal with this response from strangers but not from my own family and friends. It's like they're all so inadvertently clueless or maybe it's that they don't want to risk seeing the raw emotion that consumes me sometimes. Either way it hurts. Seems simple to me like the proverbial "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." I don't get how they can coldy turn their backs to me when I need them the most and then wonder why I seem "aggravated" at them. Seriously? Yep!

I'm taking an environmental science class which is really interesting but I am so unmotivated about school right now. Too many other obligations going on in my life right now ie: being the mother of children ages 5 and 2! I can't even have five minutes of peace to myself lately. Sleeping is the main issue. It's 10 after 10 and they are both screaming in protest to sleeping in their own beds. Braden was fine with it last week as long as Zoey was in the room with him but this week the poor dog is refusing to be his sleep aid and has returned to her old habit of snoozing in front of the back door. Braden's crying over this woke Kayla up so I let her up and put her in bed with him. After 3 trips of laying them both back down I gave up and let my frustrations take over. I was mad and mean and I put them both back in their beds and basically said scream your lungs out but don't you dare get out of those beds. I simply can't deal with not having a moment alone to do school work or anything alone for that matter.

Right now I feel completely mean and frustrated. I yelled and I yelled a lot. I hate that I have to fight with them over this but sometimes I feel as though neither one of them respect a single action I take in my parenting them....yes even Kayla at the age of two. Sigh....that's it for now, I don't want to "talk" about it anymore.